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The CDQ is Unworthy
The Bible gives a resounding YES when we ask God if we are loved, wanted, seen. But what about this question of feeling worthy? The answer might surprise you.
Lisa Anne Schafer
3/25/20246 min read
My post content
The following transcript from my podcast, Chronicles of a Christian Drama Queen and is based on a chapter in my Bible Study, DISCARDED: a daughter's journey to reclaim freedom & forgive the father who left her behind.
Before I get into this topic, I have to issue a bit of a warning. I want to warn you about false humility.
I know we're supposed to be humble and practice humility, "not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought," like it says in Romans 12. But I think sometimes Christians say and act in in a way that actually makes them appear more humble than they really are. Let's be honest.
So before we forge ahead, be extremely honest with yourself—because God already knows your heart anyway. I mean, you're not going to hide anything from him, right?
What makes you worthy in the sight of God?
Do you commonly compare your life to the lives of others?
Can you think of a time or document a time when you limited your own future because you thought you didn't deserve better or you didn't deserve anything different than what you already have?
Have you ever lied or exaggerated in order to appear more important or garner more attention?
Think of a time when you exhibited these kinds of behaviors and what the outcome was. Scripture has provided a resounding "no," to the question whether we truly were unloved or unwanted as discarded daughters or as people who've been mistreated or abused—maybe even thrown away, which is the literal definition of being discarded. What about this question of whether or not we are unworthy, and what does it mean to be unworthy anyway?
Google it! It means having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit recognition in a specific way—deserving effort, attention, or respect, good enough or suitable.
Take a look at Luke 15 with me for just a second. We all know this story, right? Many of us do anyway; the story of the prodigal son.
11 And he (Jesus) said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 13 Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
My question is this; did the father ever say anything to this son about deserving this big welcoming party?
Over the years, I have observed many discarded daughters like me who allow deceptive thoughts and fears to determine our character and our personality. In my case, I believed I was unwanted and unloved and undeserving, so forth and so on. And that basically led me to become extremely needy. I had little-to-no self-esteem, although if you'd known me back then, you wouldn't have believed that was the case. In my late teens I thought so little of myself that I became extremely promiscuous. I believe I just wasn't worth anything—worth waiting for.
Quite early on (clear back in 1970 when I was just a kindergartner), I developed a pattern of trying to convince others I was more worthy than I thought myself to be.
The teacher had asked us all to talk about our summer. Truth was I spent my entire summer in daycare because my mother was a working mom and she had no one helping her take care of us or providing for our needs. There was no dad around. Several of the kids in my class that first week of school, piped up with their amazing summer adventures. Some of them went to the lake and went swimming without a life vest for the first time. Some of them spent the summer with extended family in the mountains. Some went to local amusement parks.
I don't have a clue what possessed me to say it, but I just blurted out, "My mom took us to Disneyland!" which was just a great big fat lie. Thus I decided at the tender age of five, I would become—Oh, let's just call me a 'story enhancer' or what I like to call, "no-matter-how-bad-your-story-of-victimization-is-mine-is-bigger" syndrome. And I was gifted at this "enhancing." No matter the sad story that you told, mine would be more heartbreaking. No matter how frightening your experiences were mine would be worse. The pathetic goal was to manufacture a better story so people would like me more or have more sympathy for me since—I wanted them to see me as the greater victim. What a horrible sinful personality flaw. This sort of behavior replaced all the timidity I displayed as a shy preschooler. Oddly enough, this was about the time I was molested, as well.
I finally decided to participate in conversation, but with the sole intent of being the most pathetic, most popular, most spoiled sounding person in the room. It wasn't until my mid-30s that the Lord really got a hold of me, making face the truth of this deplorable and deceptive behavior.
The enemy of my soul is called "the deceiver," and each lie I told was just placing me right in his hands. And believe me, there are far more "drama queen" flaws for me to share down the road. But let's talk about this feeling of unworthiness. Why did I need to be the worst victim? Why did I need to be seen as the greater victim or having the greater issues? Was I trying to prove I was worthy of pity?
Romans 3:10-12 says, "as it is written: 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”
At the time of this writing, I'm planning to attend a women's retreat with a handful of ladies. The plan is to spend 24 hours discussing and praying through some of the subjects in the Bible Study I wrote, (linked above) We'll talk about everything from feeling unwanted, unloved, undesired, unprotected, etc. Eventually, we'll discuss God's plan for us to find gratitude for our past and the ability to forgive others. We'll be visiting the passage above, as well as others.
Truthfully, no one's righteous, not one. There's no one who understands or seeks God. So, in answer to the questions I shared earlier, the Word of God is clear—I am not worthy. Thank the Lord for the rest of that chapter.
Verses 21-25 say, "But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins."
The truth is, yes, we're all unworthy according to Romans 3. It paints a pretty bleak picture, doesn't it. Almost as if we need a Savior! And guess again—we do! And because of Him, we are made righteous—worthy. Through what? Faith. And all we have to do is what? Yeah—believe.
And you know, I love ya.
Lisa

